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She eyes me like a Pisces when I'm weak...
I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks...
to_defenestrate
These last few months have been so stressful. I feel like I'm on a tethered leash, biting at the chains that hold me back. I want to GO! I just want to be out of here. I felt this a little bit near the end of the year before I graduated but now it's almost a physical pain; I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be in Washington D.C, learning and being on my own.

Everyone is telling me that within a week I'll be homesick and I'm sure that I will but what I WILL feel doesn't matter to me NOW. I'm reading up on the neighborhoods, the students, all of that and I just can't wait to break free.

There is one part in this that I wish I could take with me: him. We've been closer than ever lately and I would hate for this to fall apart. A good friend of mine got dumped a couple of days ago by her boyfriend of a year and a half, and the reason was that they had "grown apart". I don't want to grow apart from him, but I feel it's inevitable. That scares me. He cares for me, loves me, and when I'm with him and can say anything. Just anything. I will need that when I'm surrounded by people I don't know in a place I've never been. I even looked through laptops and picked one specifically because it came with a built-in webcam so we can see each other and talk. It's hard to go four months without seeing or touching someone that you ache to be away from. That'll hurt...

Two weeks are left and I have tons of expectations which I'm trying to let go of because it'll ruin the experience but that's hard. So hard.

Two weeks.

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to_defenestrate
Lately I feel like I'm on the brink of something big. I've graduated from high school, I'm moving on in life, I have a part-time job, and this awesome internship. I'm going to one of the biggest cities in the United States, about 11 hours away (if we're not counting traffic getting in there...)

It's scary and amazing at the same time. I'll be in Washington D.C, in one of the most elite schools in the country, taking classes from people who are not just professors but are also professionals in their field. I'll be learning from the best with the best. It'll be the learning experience of a lifetime.

The city I'm in will push me into hugeness, haha, if that's a word. The job opportunities there are priceless. I want to be a diplomat or translator, something with the government.

I'm kind of scared, too, because I'm leaving everything I know, everybody I know, for a different environment completely. Midwest suburban girl leaves for an East Coast big city private school university. Hm...

I do worry that I won't be intelligent enough to keep up, or not strong enough to survive just the daily life. Plus the crime rate there is off the charts. Augh. But I can't be scared. Fear is something that will hold me back. Right?

Oh, Georgetown. I'm expecting a lot, I hope it's right up there with my expectations. I've never even seen the place and I've already decided to dedicate the next four years of my life to it. That feels weird to me, if not anybody else.

I'll miss him a lot. I hope we stay together and work it out long-distance, if we can. We've never been away from each other longer than two weeks, and I know I at least am comforted by knowing that he is only two minutes away. That two minutes away, he's sleeping or eating or reading, and that if my plans changed with a friend or work, I could call him up and we could see each other within minutes. But once I go to D.C, I'll see him maybe once a semester. That's quite a drop from the usual once a week. It's freaky in a way- after two and a half years of talking to him every other day, seeing him at least once a week, being ever-present in my thoughts, that he'll suddenly not be there anymore. Trips will be short and fast-paced. Can we take four years of this? Even more, because I'm planning on pursuing more in my studies. We'll see I guess. :/

I wonder how I'll change in the coming months, up until that late August day when I leave. And the following May, when I come back, what'll have changed? It would be so awesome if I could get a glimpse of my Facebook page or something and see who I am in a relationship with, or even if, and who's posting on my wall, what my status are, how I'm feeling, all of those things.

I've got three months to wait and see. Until then... I don't know.

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to_defenestrate
First surveyCollapse )

Nothing big has changed... wow. And I've stayed in the same relationship, so no new kisses or anything.
And another one!Collapse )

"Got my family
And I’ve got all my friends
I’ve been lucky in my life
And I Got no money but
There’s no need to give up
I’ve been lucky in my life "

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Current Mood: chipper chipper

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to_defenestrate
Merry Christmas Charlie Brown! Hark, the herald angel sings, "Glory to the newborn king..."

As if I haven't seen that four or five times this holiday season already. xD 

Anyway, after stressful finals, some bad news (ugh colleges) and letting go of stuff I didn't want to, the holidays are shifting towards a better light. Last night was fantastic, Church was an excellent boyfriend and gave me pop-tarts (smores-flavor), a Snuggie, the first season of America's Next Top Model on DVD, and a Tribble! He had known that my week before this was craptastic, and to make up for it, he was ever the sweet. It made my gifts look quite lame... you know how some people feel sexually inadequate with their lovers? I'm giftually inadequate with mine. >.> 

Anyway, Merry Christmas! Make good choices! Give good gifts! Play in the snow! Hug a kitty! and Make Good Choices! 

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Current Location: Living Room
Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
Current Music: Noise from the Scrooge movie

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to_defenestrate
Where did the deviantart-picture post thing go? I loved it! It made my page brighter and spread the artists' around. It was awesome. I'll find a different way to do it I guess, but darn, I loved deviantart's post thingie.

Anyway, I've been struck by the sickness! I'm not sure if it's seasonal or swine or whatever, but it is no fun. I just shunned from my NHS meeting, they were like, "Just go home, we're not going to penalize you" and the only reason I'm disappointed is that I missed out on the cookies.

Robert Yates and Alexander Hamilton rock. They are cool. All  the Framers are, with their marriage problems and scandals and arrogance and short statures. Yay for the Constitution!!!

Love my boy, he's got a great smile. It's hoodie season, which means the snuggles will be hoodie-cushioned, which is excellent because it's like a blanket.

Halloween costume this year- tiger trainer! I have the dress, the corset thingie, and I need the boots. I'm trying to convince my friend to dress up like a tiger. That is still in progress. :D 

Things are good. Stressful but uplifting.

*DANCE*

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Current Mood: sick sick
Current Music: Circus- Britney Spears (don't judge me)

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Rainbow Love . . ..
by *light-from-Emirates on deviantART

As cheesy as the title of this journal is, that's pretty much what the second feels like. I'm happy. Yay. :) Yay for awesome boys with awesome cowboy hats who give you awesome cowboy hats and tell you that they love you and give great hugs. Yay for tabletop war games and him giving you the French instructions because you'd read them to help your French. Yay for his freeness with giving you Mountain Dew in your favorite flavor. Yay for love.

Yay yay yay. :) 

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Current Mood: loved loved

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to_defenestrate

road
by *Lindqvist on deviantART

Summer's end is here, and I'm re-posting my list of stuff I've done/not done that I wanted to do at the beginning of the summer.

To do-
* read more poetry
* write more poetry
* take a self-road trip to a nearby place
* draw more
* write in  chalk in strange places
* learn guitar?
* get some penpals
* go to places unknown
* take more pictures
* be more weird in public
* spend more time with friends
try not to despair so often

Okay, eight out of twelve. Not bad, not  bad at all! I almost counted the 'write more poetry' one but it was mostly prose, so nah. At the beginning of the summer, I didn't know that by the end of the summer, I would have blue hair, new friends, a crazy-happy want for the future, discovery of a new place (a treehouse near the school) and new musical artists. I'm also so excited for the new year at church! 

I want to look back at this post this time next year, when I'm heading off to college, and still have that drive, if not more. Hi, future me. Right now, I think I'm so excited to go to college and live on my 'own' and meet new people. I'm also kind of afraid to leave my friends and, more scarily, my boyfriend... I love him so much. If I don't love him by the time I read this next year, future me will laugh about it, but right now, present me if terrified of losing the amazing person I have.

Best luck, me. :) 

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Hair
by ~smilingatstrangers on deviantART

EDIT!- IT LOOKS AWESOME! :D God, I love it SOOOOOOOOO much. I can't wait for my parents to see it, and even more so, my lovely boyfriend who hates coloring dyes but loves me. We'll see who wins over in his head.

I did it. I always said I would, but I actually did it.

I dyed my hair blue. But just the tips, because my parents nixed the entire-head thing, but still. I wish I had this shade of blue in the picture, but the  turquoise was there, and so I got it. I'm so excited to see what it looks like (right now it's in a towel on the my head, waiting for the hour to finish itself). This is a big thing for me because it's going to last 3 months, and this is the first real crazy thing I've done with my hair. Once I streaked red into it, but it looked like a trick of the light, not anything different. But this will not be a trick of the light, haha, this will be Smurfloving blue. Or, as the Manic Panic container says, Atomic Turquoise.

I can't wait to take my senior picture with this... speaking of senior pictures, school is starting soon, and I got a new Marvel bag to carry my stuff with- 3$ at Barnes and Nobles. W00t!

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to_defenestrate

Summer
by ~2Raven on deviantART

Well, summer is officially here, and school is out. Doesn't mean I don't have a muffinload of summer reading work, but at least I'll have more freetime. But it'll be my senior year next year, and just the word itself, senior, makes me think of the last stretch, the last leg of the race. But I really don't want it to be over sometimes, and other times, I do. I was talking to Church last night, and he mentioned that high school and college usually are the best years of people's lives. I'd hate for that to be true, because that means that most of it goes by so fast and so unawares for most people. I don't want  to be 22 and be "Well, it's done." I want to be a amazing, colorful person even when I am not daisy-fresh and  young. Why does youth stop at 22 or 23? By the time we get it, it's over with. There's so much I can do now that in 10 years, it  will not be possible.  I feel like I've wasted my first three years in highschool, of  my youth.

But I'm going to live  every moment stronger, if that makes sense. In fact, I'd better make my summer list right now...

To do-
* read more poetry
* write more poetry
* take a self-road trip to a nearby place
* draw more
* write in  chalk in strange places
* learn guitar?
* get some penpals
* go to places unknown
* take more pictures
* be more weird in public
* spend more time with friends
* try not to despair so often

This summer is breaking open for me, and I can do so much. It'll just be me at the house this summer (and my parents of course) so I'd best fill it up with activities. Maybe I'll memorize a T.S Eliot poem or something. And since I will not have marching band, I will stop by often in the Willmobile and help out however I can.

Last night, with Church at Melinda's graduation party, we went off to the side for a bit and just talked and hugged, and the air was so warm and soft, and the sky was so perfect. If that's how my summer goes, I can deal with that.

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to_defenestrate
If you had to enter the Witness Protection Program, whom would you find it the hardest to NOT ever contact again?
I would definitely have to say my boyfriend, because I think you can contact your family in some cases. But if I couldn't, then yes, my family.

But if it were Church, I'd find a way to say good-bye, somehow. Probably drop a letter in the little window that leads to his basement, and color it bright pink and color it with glitter so it'd stick out amongst the Civil War and Halo decor. Yeah, that'll work.

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